Let me see again

My daughter just went through an eye surgery, so the matter of seeing, the fear of blindness, the related emotions were very fresh and really personal to me as well as my wife. And we thank you all for supporting us with your prayers. Thanks to God, the surgery was successful and now may I dare to encourage you to pray for the sake of the doctor who performed the operation (her name is Natalia) and the personnel of the hospital and praise the Lord with us.

“Let me see again” - in the English version Bartimaeus says ‘again’, which means that he used to see and then he lost his ability to see which makes his suffering even stronger. When my daughter was taken to the surgery ward, she could see (though there were some problems), but generally she could see. And I had a fear that if something went wrong during the operation, there might be a risk of complete loss of sight. To be deprived of something you have is much more painful than never possessing it at all, isn’t it?

So I guess I understand what Bartimaeus felt. Jesus returned sight to him and improved my daughter’s sight and also He improved my vision - in the indirect meaning - He created a personal miracle for me by responding to my prayer. He showed me again how faithful He is. He is faithful, what about me? He showed, but did I see?

At the lesson on the day we heard the story of Bartimaeus in church, Father Apolinary said, that when we ask the Lord for something, He gives us even more than we ask. I asked for the success of the medical operation and received in addition support of the community, comfort of my fears and strengthening of my faith. It was so fantastic, so wonderful to feel and see how God answers my prayers! Again and again, it’s not the first time I experience this. Lucky me, just asked and received.

Unlike Bartimaeus, I humbly asked. But he shouted. As Father Apolinary said, a prayer in the form of shouting is something very strong. One should definitely be very irritated in order to address God in such a form. I know, I shout pretty often and I understand that I shout when I am very weak, when I have no other ways to get what I ask for. When I am in a desperation. When I am not heard. A shout is the last means, the last instrument. How lucky I am, I never had to use this instrument in communication with God. And how miserable I am, despite His mercy I keep on hesitating, my faith is so small!

And at this point I recollect another episode from a different reading: “enough”, “My grace is sufficient for you”. (No, I am not that clever, I do not know the scripture by heart, Google search does the magic). Each day I pray with the words 'Agnus Dei, miserere nobis’, that's the first prayer I taught to my children. Each day I ask Him for his mercy, whilst I already have enough of it. But my vision is not strong enough to recognise it, though He never gave me any reasons to doubt. So, my Lord, let me see again.